aph-hetalian:

misterjakes:

unclefloyd:

tfw = two fucking weiners

I swear someone walking in on me watching porn would be easier to explain than this

naamahdarling:

companionwitch:

Merry Crisis

*voices in unison to the tune of O Christmas Tree/O Tannenbaum*

Oh ChrisChris Tree,
Oh ChrisChris Tree,
How lovely are your faces!

*with declining control and barely-suppressed laughter*

Covered in celebrities,
Mostly actors and one former governor of New Jersey!

monochromemedic:

Wait are we getting frontal or just ass?
Is he gonna be like strategically hiding stuff using props or something?
Who would even take pictures of him ass naked?
Is it gonna be in color or some sort of filter?
What constitutes as ‘a tasteful nude’?

nasapeepoplier:

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate this!  Wonder if he can top these now?

jeromeifyouwantto:

One of the Christmas windows at Bergdorf Goodman on 5th Ave is an ad for the Natural History museum with sparkly dinosaur skeletons & I don’t see why this isn’t a standard holiday thing everywhere? 

mjalti:

tiddies: *have a tattoo between them*

me:

aerialsquid:

theloa:

lucentgallivanter:

benfoldsone:

this is some horror movie shit

#Jesus is a reverse-Dracula #vis a vis appearing in photos

Examining the other evidence, we find:

• Feeds other people his own blood
• An affinity for crucifixes
• Not only able to cross water but can also walk on it

Shows up uninvited in people’s houses
Can’t turn into a bat

Turns the undead back to life.

Is so into sunlight he calls himself “the light”

No corsets or tight goth pants.

blackjosuke:

edgar-allen-pho:

snakegay:

pepperclemens:

snakegay:

“a no-sex bar sounds like a superb idea” do you think people just fuck in bars.  like you go into a bar theres just a fucking wild orgy happening on the tables and like one guy on the side drinking 

Perhaps its meant in the asexual way, like, make friends or something?

go to a coffee shop??? join a club????? leave the house??????? 

nah okay, fuck that you’ve clearly never experienced a night where you’re walking around a downtown core like “where is everybody????” and then get to a club and it is PACKED and you realize this is it. this is where everyone goes, this is where everybody is.

and you walk around and get a drink and realize All of the people are here to have sex. you can see it in their eyes. they are there to have sex, or there because their friends are having sex, or because they want to look like they’re someone who has sex. everyone is at the club, and everyone is there for sex, and if you’re not about that you have a lot of work to do if you’re going to be part of any social group.

then again people on this site are absolutely in love with interpreting everything with the express purpose of mocking it, so yeah get your bits in.

we need asexual grocery stores too last week i went to walmart and a lady was putting a king size snickers bar up her pussy

elliblu:

awfulbear:

bionicwasok:

i think about this video a lot

This is amazing

why did they all insist on being in the room ahaha

cwsargent:

brunchingwithmyself:

forza-tricolor:

detoxing:

“Barack obama is that some kind of sauce”

I still can’t believe it was taken down on Instagram because saltine Americans flagged it as racist.

This went viral the night of 2016 elections

Still funny tho.

grimelords:

me watching new yorkers through my binoculars: oh my god they’re walking here

kaleighbytheway:

tinysaurus-rex:

dezzoi:

Photo © Jeff Kahn

The Regret

This is super hilarious to me. Because generally speaking, owls are way less intelligent than other raptors. So this moment is kinda like a grown adult suddenly getting slammed into place by an overgrown five year old.